Spoiler Alert For My Future Volume Two
There is another big reason for not wanting to continue in academia after my MA.
I don’t feel like I have anything to prove anymore.
The few people I have strongly confided in over the years will understand this. I have had a lot of ups and downs over the years. I struggled coming out of high school and even when I first got to Stockton. I was able to get my life in order, become a strong student, and thrive in both the English and Philosophy departments. I went back and retook classes I struggled in and made up for my mistakes. I became, hell yeah I did, one of the best students in both departments at the time.
I got into graduate school next. Which was a huge deal for me. While there have been some pretty awful parts of my experience, I have also thrived here and proven to myself I can do this. I know I am a good writer, I do solid research, and I am a strong academic.
Nevertheless, I don’t think going on for another degree is that fruitful. Economically, with our economy in the tank thanks to the swine who run things in Washington, it is not sound. On an intellectual level, I would need to find the exact right program that would accentuate my interests and abilities, not hinder them. I am still open to such a program, but my active engagement with such a search is minimal.
What would that prove anyway? I feel like I have redeemed myself for past grievances and failures. It is time to move on.
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